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Saturday, October 18, 2014

, #justiceforwilliam Update: October 18, 2014

In my last update I told you about how the death scene photos have been found, according to coroner Rondale Brishaber. Not only did Brishaber inform me, more than once, over the course of several days, that the photos have been located, but he also informed David Elijah, a reporter with the South Florida Gay News. And so I have it in writing, an admission from the Washington County coroner's office stating fault with regards to the records related to my brothers death. It's an admission, not an explanation. I'm still waiting for the photos, recordings, and ALL other evidence I've requested that could prove how William really died. But I may not have to wait much longer.

I've filed a formal complaint against the Washington County Coroner with the Indiana PAC (Public Access Counselor). I've sent the counselor scanned copies of the fax I sent to the coroner on September 17, requesting this documentation. I'm officially accusing the Washington County Coroner's office of violating the Access to Public Records Act. I've received confirmation that my formal complaint has been accepted and Brishaber has been notified by the counselor. The PAC will give an official opinion on the matter, in documentation, in about a month. This documentation will be indisputable evidence of the injustice that continues to take my breath away when I think about it for too long. I'm so grateful for the Public Access Counselor and any efforts the office puts into getting me what I need to find some sense of closure.

I called the Salem police department Thursday morning (10-16-14). A woman answered and asked what my call was in regards to, so I told her I needed to talk to whoever can send me my brothers death scene photos. She put me on hold and then told me that I needed to talk to the Salem City Attorney Drew Wright.


Why would the local police department, who the coroner says, in writing, have my brothers death scene photos, refer me to the City Attorney? What's he got to do with the price of milk in China? As far as I know, this man has no connection to William's case whatsoever. I can only speculate as to why I was referred to him. I left a message with his office right after the police referred me to him, and he has yet to respond to me. He has no e mail address that I can find online either. For a public official, he sure isn't very accessible in my opinion. However, he was brought into this scenario by the police, so I'd love a public statement from him regarding why he thinks that may be the case. Could this man be the one telling everyone not to talk to me or send me the files? He's been in office for a very long time. Makes me wonder if he's friends with Gary Hobbs too?

And what's the deal with police Chief Troy Merry?

What kind of police chief dodges a phone call from someone who is publicly reporting a possible murder in his town? Why won't Troy Merry take my call? What is he hiding? What is he scared of? Who the hell does he think he is? He looks like Peter, from Family Guy, and he loves the Golden Girls. That's about the most I can glean from his facebook page. If I am man enough to call him, he should have the balls to take my call and explain to me why I don't have those photos and his complete assurance that the recording is being located. If Merry arrested me, and he questioned me about the whereabouts of (hypothetical) evidence, I am sure he would want me to speak directly to him, and not through an attorney. Salem residents should remember this the next time he gets a "confession" from a local suspect without an attorney. It's pretty obvious at this point that this police department, headed by him, is conspiring to violate the open records act as well. I'll go even further and allege obstruction of justice on their part. If I don't know how my brother died, I have no justice. I have never had any evidence, only the word of people I do not trust.

And let's not forget Washington County Persecutor Dustin Houchin either. The magnitude of incompetence, and/or corruption required for him to completely ignore the indisputable evidence I presented to his office regarding the possible murder of my brother  is despicable. This man doesn't know the meaning of family values if he would let this case rest if it were his loved one. It is purely heartless of him not to demand an investigation and keep me abreast of the findings the officials he works with come up with. He pretends he doesn't have the authority to seek justice in my brothers death, while dodging the questions like so many of his Republican counterparts. The omission of truth makes him a cowardly liar. His right wing wife is a cross between Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter. Their extreme, right wing views are bigoted. It's getting clearer and clearer that if my brother William had been just about any other heterosexual citizen of Salem, and if I had not been openly gay and seeking the answers, justice would have been done in 2000, when he died. I've lived with discrimination against my sexual orientation my whole life. I'm not blind to the obvious signs of a man with the power to bring justice denying it because he doesn't approve of my lifestyle or my marriage to another man.


Doing what's right for Washington County
My Big Gay Ass!

All of you men need to grow some balls and get me the truth NOW. I will turn that town upside down (figuratively) to get to it and if you're not helping, you're just cock blocking justice! Now google yourselves in a week or two and read this truth on the front page, like your great grandchildren will. You can run, and you can hide, but the truth will always find you!

Monday, October 13, 2014

#justiceforwilliam UPDATE: Photos found amid Ignorance, Bullshit and Deflection

Update: The death scene photos have been found!



My frustration hasn't gone away with the news that the death scene photos of my brother have been found. After 14 years of waiting for them, I am unable to allow myself to get my hopes up that they really could still exist and be sent to me. These photos are key evidence in my brother William's death. They may hold the strongest clues, of any evidence, as to how he really died. To date, I have only the word of the people who have held them from me for 14 years to go on. People who have no compassion, and absolutely no apparent instinct or understanding of the procedures they were bound by state law and guidelines to have performed. The news that the photos have now been located by the Salem Police department came from Coroner Rondale Brishaber, who was elected in 2009. In his e mail responses to me Brishaber clearly states:





1) The Coroner’s Office at that time did not take pictures at death scenes, the police did.

Indeed, the police did take the death scene photos, specifically, former detective Doug Hoskins. And while state guidelines, in 2000 and currently in 2014, clearly state that the coroner can hire a photographer or even have the police take the photos, they are the property of the Coroners office, and should be retained on file permanently. Furthermore, every coroner, police officer or investigator who touches any item of evidence has to log it on the chain of custody log.

2) They have found the pictures and they are looking for the audio recording.

My most recent request to his office, and the police, took place on September 17, 2014. 17 days and two videos about it later, I get word from him that, not only have the pictures been located, but the recording is missing and they are looking for it. Clearly this verifies the fact that the evidence has been compromised. And where is the chain of custody for any of this evidence I've been asking for since 2000? And how ironic could it be that all this evidence and answers all surfaced within two hours of their response to a reporter for South Florida Gay News who is covering the story? 

3) The Coroner’s Office didn’t take the pictures, so that evidence stays with the city police. There were no pictures in his case file.

I haven't begun to investigate the record keeping protocol of the police. I've been too consumed with the fact that they've ignored my report of strong evidence that my brother could have been murdered for too long. The fact remains that this is either a lie or a clear display of ignorance of the guidelines that regulate the county coroner's office. They clearly state the photos are key evidence the coroner should retain permanently! And while it may be convenient for Brishaber to deflect the blame from his office to the police department, I've known the Indiana coroner's guidelines for record keeping since 2000. In fact, I'm quite sure I could perform his job with a lot more proficiency than he has.

4)  I believe it is a smear campaign.

If this is the case, then who is smearing whom? The only victims in this scenario are my brother and myself. We have had injustice smeared all over us. If the truth hurts, it's because someone is harboring a lie. It just so happens that nearly all, if not every person who is involved in the conspiracy to withhold the truth about my brother's death from me has run for political office in Washington County, at one time or another. As candidates for public office, they are subject to the same type of scrutiny that any other public figure is. This includes Memes, Parodies, reviews of their personal and public lives for public consumption. I learned all this the hard way when my first gig as a radio DJ plummeted me into fifteen seconds of local fame. I couldn't take a smoke break outside my job without fans driving by screaming "Chazonator" at one point, and it was very unnerving. I've had radio show hosts on the Internet rip me apart for being so outrageous, graphic and sexy! I've been bashed in print all over the Internet by complete strangers. That doesn't get under my skin anymore. It doesn't distract from my true purpose, which is to expose hypocrisy and injustice wherever I encounter it, starting with my own personal life.

5) The laws have changed some since 2000. We take pictures at every scene and keep the pictures with the file

While this may sound reasonable, it's false. I actually printed out the guidelines in 2000 and have kept them in my file, and compared to the guidelines of today, the file retention requirements are the same.

6) I admit that the pictures were not in the file. I know that there was a audio recorder on scene. I would like to listen to the audio if possible. The Salem Police are looking for this audio

He's basically admitting to two things. One, the photos are not in his coroner's case file, and two, neither is the audio recording.


7) All calls at the Salem Police Department are recorded. I will again ask you to request the pictures from the Salem Police Department.

It's like beating my head against a brick wall here. I've got fax receipts from multiple requests sent to the Salem Police Department for this evidence. I've had a liaison trying to get copies of this stuff since September 17, 2014. Clearly they wouldn't be looking for the photos or the recording if they weren't aware of my request. So all this, deflection to the Salem Police department is getting old. The coroner's role is to work with ALL relevant local officials to resolve issues related to a death case.The coroner, the police and the prosecutor see each other nearly every day. Many of them are friends on facebook. I'm sure they have a grand old time at the Moose Lodge on weekends. Exactly when were any of them planning to work together to fulfill my simple request for evidence? You'd think they were on different planets!

For the record, I am not angry at Mr. Brishaber, nor do I hold him responsible for the actions or inaction of his predecessor Marlon Robertson. And while it's apparent that I have yet to receive full cooperation from any parties involved, at this time, Mr. Brishaber is at least attempting to work in conjunction with others to locate the evidence and documentation I need. I have called for no actions on my behalf from anyone in my online audience besides contacting his office with public inquiries. The address I had posted for Mr. Brishaber's office in my video was inaccurate, and an erroneous post made public on an official Indiana government website. I've taken measures to edit that portion of my documentary out, using youtube video editor for post cutting of segments. This is not something I would ordinarily do, as public record was current at the time of production, and the information was legally obtained and shared. However, in light of the fact that the office address is indeed incorrect, I did what I felt was necessary.

In Part 2 of my documentary series entitled "Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered", I bring to the attention of my audience, the new Washington County prosecutor Dustin Houchin. I explain how he has the power to crack this case wide open by having the case reopened and investigated by a more competent and trust worthy law agency. I explained how, working in close conjunction with the police and the coroner, Mr. Houchin has the power to insist that they adhere to the law and get me those records. I also explained that his lack of response was triggering me to request my viewers to contact his office for an answer. I am able to report to you now that Mr. Houchin has replied to my e mails to him, finally. Below is his response, followed by my observations of it:





Mr. Szulczynski,

Please allow me to apologize for not receiving your two emails earlier.  I have had some problems receiving email through the website this week.  I reported the problem to the County IT employee, and he worked on and resolved the issue today.  As such, I have just now had the opportunity to view several emails that had not come through to me, including the ones you sent.  Again, I apologize for the delay.

Regarding your email requesting documents, I will handle it as a formal public records request.  Although I had not received your emails, I, as I'm sure you are aware, have seen the film you produced.  In response to the film, my staff conducted a thorough and diligent search for any records pertaining to your brother's death that may be held by this office.  We found no records.  Thus, my official response to your records request is that my office has no documents or other items of evidence related to your request. 

While I certainly cannot speak for the previous prosecutors, it is my typical practice to not retain evidence of investigations that do not result in the filing of criminal charges.  Even where charges are filed, evidence is most commonly held by the investigating police agencies.  My office, as an entity, does not conduct investigations.  As such, I suggest that you contact the relevant police agencies with formal records requests. 

Dustin Houchin
Washington County Prosecutor   

First of all, let me state, for the record, that I don't believe for a second that Mr. Houchin's e mail was down that long without anyone updating the state's official website with his contact information. Good excuse, but I don't buy it, and here's why. Mr. Houchin's wife Erin Houchin is running for state senate. Unable to contact him via e mail for a written response, I posted my videos on his wife's campaign page, two days before his e mail. Not only did his wife block me from further posting on her campaign page, but she did it to several of my friends who followed suit. Either their marriage isn't as strong as mine is, or someone's bullshitting. If someone posted a video with my husband on its cover, on my fan page, I'd be making sure to watch it and be sure he did too ASAP. 

And while I can appreciate the diversion of his office, diligently searching, for the records there, it's not what I asked for. I've never said I believed his office was holding records. I've accused him of withholding records, and he still is, as far as I am concerned. When someone has the power to enforce the law and have records sent to someone legally entitled to them, it is withholding. It certainly isn't cooperation. This was not a Records Request. It's a request to reopen the investigation into my brother's death. This response is not only inadequate or indicative of sheer ignorance, but it's an outright insult to my integrity. Either he has the power to correct this matter or he doesn't. If he doesn't, then he should tell all of his constituents just how powerless he really is. He goes on to insult my integrity by pretending I don't understand his role. No, Mr. Houchin, you're no investigator. If you were, you would do your research on me and discover that your ignorance will not fly and I will get justice, with or without your cooperation. However, know this, your lack of cooperation is considered absolute obstruction of justice, by me, and will be a part of any formal complaints I make to any government agency or human rights group going forward. So thanks for your response, as utterly ignorant of the fact that I reported a possible murder to you as it is.

As of today, October 13, 2014 I still do not have a shred of evidence from any Washington County or Salem official which proves my brother killed himself.  A third part of the video series is currently in production. Political corruption, nepotism, cronyism, and favoritism will be put on full display. Names will be mentioned. Public photos will be displayed. Public addresses, listed on government websites will be shared. Make no mistake about my motivation. I'm no longer making requests. I am demanding justice, and anyone who comes between me and justice will be exposed to the entire world! Somebody better prove the truth to me before that entire fucking county falls apart!









Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I'm not endorsing anybody, but I know who I don't want Indiana Dist. 47 to vote for!


#justiceforwilliam UPDATE!

Okay, if you've followed the case this far, you know that I've presented a strong, factual case for why my brother didn't record the suicide tape found in his inner, left pocket the night he died. You know that a clear conspiracy to keep the evidence from me is real. I still don't have the evidence I have been requesting for fourteen years. But I do have something,

There's a new prosecutor in Washington County since the last good ole boy got booted out. His name is Dustin Houchin, and he has the power to crack this case wide open and get to the bottom of it, for once and for all. The question now is, Why doesn't he do just that?

And so, here's Part two in my Naked Truth video series special investigation into William's death for you to view and share. Remember, this could happen to anyone. This video is as shocking as the first one, so be sure to watch all the way through the credits for details you won't hear anywhere else,








I encourage the media to ask these public officials the same question I've been asking for 14 years. Where is the evidence?


And, If you missed the first episode in the series, click play below




I have taken the liberty of forwarding both of these videos to the Indianapolis FBI field office.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Naked Truth: Was My Brother Murdered?

I can't begin to describe the depth of sorrow and suffering that the tragic loss of my younger brother caused me. The initial shock of losing him hit me so hard I could barely maintain my sanity for a while after. In my grief stricken state, how could I communicate to the world, the injustice that I've suffered for the last 14 years of not knowing how he died? How does one tell the story of tragedy, when one doesn't know the full story himself? How can I answer anyone's questions about how William died, if I never received the answers myself? How can you make someone understand the magnitude of your suffering, if you can't fully comprehend what it is that caused your suffering to begin with?

For fourteen years, I've gone over and over the police reports, the coroners report, and all the notes and documents I've retained that are related to my little brother's death. Try as I might, I cannot locate a single shred of evidence that suggests to me that he actually hung himself. To the contrary. I've found evidence that the suicide tape "found" in his pocket that night had no mention of hanging himself, and completely contradicts the toxicology report, as the video below clearly demonstrates.

Producing, narrating and composing the media for this documentary was the most painstaking experience I've undergone since his death. I've had to relive the memories of the horror of how he was found, hanging, suspiciously, from his favorite tree, next to the pond he dug, with his legs ON THE GROUND. I've had to live with the memories of the police refusing to investigate, when I presented them with clear evidence that contradicted their conclusions. They didn't like my attitude. They didn't HAVE to give me anything. They didn't have to prove my brother hung himself. They only had to convince my family and me that their word was good enough. It might have pacified the rest of my family, but it's not enough for me. It never was, and now, 14 years later, I am setting the record straight,

If the only good thing that comes out of sharing William's story with the world is the public scrutiny and examination of these officials and the truth I'm presenting, it is worth every skipped meal and lost hour of sleep it took me to create. I will find justice in this case, if only in the court of public opinion,

For 14 years, I imagine my adversaries in Washington County Indiana have laughed at me.

"That crazy fag thinks he's smarter than us".

They underestimated me,

"He's a high school graduate. He'll never be intelligent enough to hold us accountable".

They thought time would erase my pain and that I could accept their lies.

"It's been so long, there's nothing he can do about it now,"

They were wrong on all counts.

Perhaps the biggest mistake they made was allowing themselves to believe, for even a second that I am somehow scared of them, I'm not scared of anybody. Let them sue me if anyone feels they have a leg to stand on in court. I have tons of documentation. I was advised from day one by friends with legal experience to keep track of every word spoken by everyone involved, I'd say this video demonstrates my ability to hold on to important documents. If anyone can prove that anything I've said isn't true, then let them post it in a comment below, or make their own video about their own truth. But this is my truth, and I will share it with anyone who cares enough to learn it.

I'm not the same, crying mess they encountered 14 years ago. William's death changed me in ways I am still discovering to this day. I've learned that life is too short to live with a tragic lie weighing me down. William's funeral was the first funeral I had ever been to. Seeing his body in that casket, and not knowing how he really ended up there has caused mental distress, it's true. But it has also given me a stronger appreciation for the truth in general. I live a very honest life. I own every aspect of my self examined life. I'm bisexual. I'm a parent. I'm a husband. I'm a brother. But what kind of brother would I be if I didn't turn every stone I could find on the path to the truth about the tragedy that ended his life? I'm not a rich man. I would never dream of asking anyone for anything. Had I been financially capable, at the time of his death, I would've hired the pathologist I had e mailed after he was buried, and signed the agreement I requested, from the funeral home that buried him, to exhume his body in 2000. I did not have the $6,000 plus it would have cost me. My husband and I had already spent thousands of dollars on his funeral and monument. William was embalmed and his body prepared for the funeral before I could arrive in KY to see his body. I have so many e mails of correspondence I had back and forth with lawyers and medical examiners I sought out online, asking their opinions on the limited evidence I was provided by the authorities. I have letters I wrote to the media, the ACLU and others which went without response. Nobody would listen. Nobody cared. I was just a grief stricken brother with a crazy conspiracy theory, who was living in denial. Nobody takes the time to read anything anymore, Most people who clicked this blog link probably went straight to the pics and video. That's why I chose the cover photo. Sure, some people will be scared to share it, but for every one person who does, many more will actually click play and watch. If I've learned anything in my years of online romping, it's how to push the envelope and suck viewers in with a mysterious headline and a graphic image. This artistic nude, shot of William is irresistible to anyone who loves beauty, mystery and truth. And now that I have your attention......



With everything I've done, every letter I've written, every media outlet I've reached out to with this story, and every document I've mulled over incessantly, I've still felt a sense of inadequacy. I know that people will criticize me for not doing enough, but, real or not, I have lived with that feeling since the moment I learned of his death. There are a million "what ifs", and only one Naked Truth. I don't believe this video is the final stone. My hope is that it will inspire someone, who knows something to come forward and break the chain of silence that has surely weakened over the past 14 years. Who is going to take the rap now that the cat is out of the bag? How will they cover their tracks, now that the real evidence is truly going to be summoned by the public, who hold them accountable? How will they respond? Since none of them were concerned with how my brother died before, who will be the first to re open the case, now that everyone in their community is aware of this deception? Being totally honest, I feel a small sense of justice has already been served. None of the authorities featured in the video have contacted me, nor do I anticipate they will. And while it's very clear that they have never spent a second trying to imagine what it must like to be in my situation, I can't help but smile when I think of the one they've created for themselves. I'm just the delivery boy. The local paper wouldn't carry the story, so I went ahead and presented it to you myself. If the truth makes their home town feel like a prison, in which everyone is looking at them knowingly, then perhaps a tiny bit of the justice that is to come is already shining through, One thing is for sure, Between my blog, my videos and my social networks of tens of thousands of friends and admirers of my Naked Truth video series, all of these officials will have a permanent google problem, Long after I am dead, this video will be a part of my legacy, as a truth seeker, and the kind of big brother I have always aspired to be to William. Like my brothers body, my tattoos will fade, and all physical evidence of my existence will disappear, and yet, my image will live on, eternally, in cyberspace, and so will my voice, telling his truth.

I thank God for the resources I have to bring this video to you and tell my story so clearly. I can honestly say, as with all Naked Truth videos, that William inspired all this. In 2000, shortly after realizing that nobody was going to investigate his death, I wrote a newsletter called Naked Truth. I posted a photo of my own naked ass on the top, and I explained this whole story in it. I printed and distributed the newsletter, by hand to hundreds of residents of Washington County. If I never produce another video in my life, I can honestly say that I've already served my purpose as a producer. It's as if this was my mission and my purpose has been served. But I do not want to go to my grave without knowing how William died and holding everyone responsible for this injustice  accountable.

I have faith in God. I have faith in the truth. I have faith in William. So please help me find justice for him by sharing the following video with the hashtag #justiceforwilliam


Friday, September 19, 2014

Are Washington County Indiana officials covering up a murder?

Dear residents of Washington County Indiana, and all National media outlets reading this, and of course judge Robert Bennett and county coroner Rondale Brishaber, who this blog is really about.


Judge Robert Bennett




Coroner Rondale Brishaber





On April 19, 2000 my younger brother, legally named William Paul Hobbs, of 1205 Jackson St Salem Indiana was found hanging dead from a tree in the back yard of his abusive lover, Gary Hobbs, same address. Police were called and death scene photos were taken. A voice recording found in my brother inside left pocket contained a statement by William, saying that he had taken an overdose of valium and was dying. His death was ruled a suicide, the photos were refused to our family, and Gary Hobbs continues to drive drunk in Salem Indiana every day without getting stopped by the cops, his friends.

Here's what I believe really happened. Gary Hobbs found a suicide tape my brother made in the weeks leading up to his murder. Gary strangled my brother and strung him up in that tree and then called the cops. The coroner, at that time, who admitted to me that he is Gary's personal friend, knew immediately that the marks on my brothers body were not consistent with suicide. He didn't question the fact that my left handed brother wouldn't have placed the tape in his left, inner pocket.Something that would be hard for anyone to do. I have the jacket he died in. It has a right inside pocket, where he would have placed anything he carried. Being an unnatural death, protocol would have required a pathologist's examination, and an autopsy of his body. There was no pathology report. Instead, medical staff only drew blood from his body for a toxicology test. The toxicology results clearly indicated that my brother had not ingested enough valium on the night he died to make him sleep, much less kill him. Also, Phenobarbital was in his system. He wasn't prescribed this drug by any doctor. I raised these concerns with the police and coroner who ignored them. THERE WAS NO AUTOPSY!

For years I've attempted to get the death scene photos from these authorities, and every time I hit a road block. The first coroner refused the photos to me so I called judge Bennett's office and his secretary asked him if he would order the release of the photos to me. She told me that Bennett refused to so do and that he advised I hire an attorney to petition his court for the photos. I contacted an attorney who then informed me that I could pay him hundreds of dollars to petition the court, but clearly Bennett had no intention of releasing the photos to me and hiring an attorney would likely be a waste of money. Judge Bennett is life long friends with Gary Hobbs, closeted homosexual and former owner of Coot's Packaging, a liquor store in Salem. Clearly Judge Bennett didn't want his friend being investigated or even charged or convicted of murder, so it makes sense that he could have put his neck on the line by sealing these photo from me.

Either way, Judge Robert Bennett and Coroner Rondale Brishaber are conspiring, on this very day, to continue this blatant obstruction of justice and have become the cause of unbearable grief that I have suffered for 14 years without knowing the truth about how William really died. For this reason, I now expose them to the public, and am seeking legal counsel in an effort to bring these two elected, public officials to justice for once and for all.

To every local in Salem Indiana reading this, you must know that your own justice system has conspired to obstruct justice in this case, and they probably wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Regardless of what you think you may know about my dead brother, you do not know the truth if I don't. A source, who shall remain unnamed at this point, has revealed to me that at one police officer at the scene of William's death has described his death as a murder. He said that there were ripple marks on my brothers neck, which clearly indicate that he was strangled first, and later strung up in that tree.

Immediately after William's death, I requested copies of all 911 calls he had made to Washington County police dispatch in the year leading up to his death. The person I spoke to there asked how I knew about the 911 calls and I informed her that my brother had told me many times that he had called 911 on Gary Hobbs for threatening to kill him. I'm still waiting for those recordings.

Furthermore, Gary Hobbs moved his ex boyfriend Tony into his house the day after William died. Did his ex lover help him kill William? Perhaps, but I may never know because Judge Robert Bennett and coroner Rondale Brishaber have conspired to conceal any and all evidence that would or could reveal the truth.

To Rondale and Robert, I have this to say. You are both disgraceful public servants who belong in prison. At the very least, I pray that this blog causes every person you encounter in your county for the rest of your life to shun you like the civic plagues you are. I don't know why you are concealing these photos, if not to cover up a murder committed by your friend Gary Hobbs. But I will be certain to forward this blog to any and everyone who can hold you accountable. Get me the photos and I will consider deleting this blog, and not pursuing civil action against you and any other local authority involved in this obstruction of justice, as long as the independent pathologist I plan to have review them concludes it wasn't murder. Coroners are supposed to speak for the dead. Instead, Rondale Brishaber and his predecessors have silenced my brothers last truth, and that is unforgivable. May the real

In loving memory of William Paul Lawrence (Hobbs) born 2-10-1971 died 4-19-2000

Friday, May 9, 2014

A Homophobic Star is exposed!

With Mother's Day coming up so fast, I'm finding myself feeling more emotional than I ever anticipated. My mother and I just don't talk anymore. I can't really explain why because I don't really know why my mother doesn't call me. I can say that I remember our last conversation quite vividly. I remember crying, and telling her how much I love her. And yet, I had the distinct impression that my mother's mind was occupied with something, anything, other than me, and my emotions. She's heard it all before.We both know there's so much water under our bridge, and that it's flooded the valleys and made getting home an impossible task for me. My home is here, where I live in Northern Illinois with my husband and our sons. And yet, from time to time, I miss my mommy and her big, warm hugs. I feel the loss of parental love as strongly as I give parental love to my own sons. It's an odd combination, but my love for my kids is the kind of love I deserve and always have. I'm a good son. I never stopped loving my mother, and I have forgiven her for everything she's ever done to hurt me.

Over the years I did everything I could to get back home. No matter where I was living, Chicago, Miami, New York, or LA, I would beg, steal, borrow and screw my way back home to my "family". That's how much I missed my brothers and sisters, nephews, nieces and my mom. But in the last twenty two years of living with my husband, watching our boys grow into intelligent, young men, I've learned what family really is. I've lost the two closest biological family members, tragically and far before their time. A big brother isn't supposed to live longer than his little brother. A favorite uncle should never outlive his favorite nephew. And yet, the best friends I ever had, who knew me better than anyone else in the world, who grew up knowing me their entire lives, are gone. And all I have left are the memories and the hope of reuniting with them in another realm, an afterlife. At age sixteen, my nephew attempted suicide. I used all my savings from stripping at a gay bar to put gas in my beat up 1978 Thunderbird, and had to stop ever hour to refill the power steering fluid, but I made the six hour trip to see him in the hospital. He never forgot that. I showed him what family means when I showed up that night. He would spend the rest of his life returning that gift to me. I can honestly say that I have not ever had an argument with my nephew Brian. And while I can reluctantly admit that my husband and I both forgot our 7th anniversary, I never, ever forgot Brian's birthday. It was yesterday, May 8th. He would have been 38 years old. Losing him has had a profound effect on me and how I view the world and people who claim to love me. I know what real, biological, family love is. I had it and now it's gone, but there's a ray of light at the end of this dark tunnel I've seemingly found myself in. Her name is Jamie, and she's Brian's little sister. Jamie and I have been getting closer for a few years now, but we are much closer now that we share the pain of losing Brian. I have had to do some incredibly hard things in my life. I've held my elderly cat and a few dogs in my arms and watched them draw their last breath, as the vet gave them a lethal injection to end their pain and suffering. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life was to be the one to tell Jamie that her brother had died. I will never be able to escape that memory.

The Funeral

I lost my hotel room deposit when I cancelled my reservation at the last minute. How could I attend Brian's funeral with the swarm of hate that started raining down on me before I could even pack my bag? I had posted on facebook that I supported Brian's wife Diana in all of her decisions, with regards to his funeral arrangements and final resting place. This outraged some of my siblings, especially Brian's mother Starliene, my sister. Star wanted to have Brian's body transported to Shelbyville, KY to be put on display for the public. Brian hated Shelbyville. He had way too many enemies there. I suggested that anyone who didn't think he was worth the drive in death, probably never drove to see him in life, so stay home because he knew how you felt about him. That brought me some unexpected backlash from a brother in law, who called, out of the blue, to insist that if I show up at the funeral I should be willing to hug my sister Star. Why in the hell would I want to console her? Her last words to Brian were so harsh that he called me two weeks before he died, literally sobbing. "My own mother said that 'm her biggest mistake in life and that I am dead to her". He said. Now, suddenly, Star wants to snatch his body from his wife, have it delivered to her desired location, like a pizza, and put on display, so that she can put on her Oscar winning acting performance and put out her "woe is me, donate money to my addiction" monologue. My brother in law was offended and started taking personal jabs at me. "Do you still bite your hand when you get angry?" he said. As a child I learned to bite myself whenever I wanted to hit my little brother. It's a running joke in our family. It reminded me of all the other running jokes in our family, and so I asked him if he got a job, learned to read or stopped pissing on my sister in the bed on occasion. He didn't like that very much. I doubt I'll ever see or hear from him again. And you know what, that's just fine with me. I'll take one real love over a million fake ones any day. But I wasn't going to Brian's funeral and allowing my presence to distract from the celebration of his life that took place that day. I'm not going to second guess the decision either. I did the right thing, although it was a sacrifice, it was made in his honor. He wasn't in that casket. His spirit is free, and he will always live on in my heart. I would trade places with him or my little brother who died, if I could. Life without them will never be the same for me.

Forgiveness

People read my posts on facebook and think I'm crazy. How can I express such deep sorrow and loss, while simultaneously expressing such disgust and contempt for my sister Star? The answer is simple. I'm a multifaceted, three dimensional person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. You may argue that it's not normal for siblings to harbor such feelings of deep seeded hate. That's assuming you know what "normal" is and can define it for the rest of us. Forgiveness must be earned. I can say I forgive Star for letting Brian take the rap on that robbery she involved him in, and allowing him to do hard time. I can say I forgive her for going to his ex wife's attorney and falsely accusing him of horrible acts he never even thought about committing, just to receive joy in his pain of being separated from his only son. But saying it means nothing if I can't show it, and I will never be able to allow her to get within a hundred feet of me, much less express any love to her. She probably doesn't know that I'm aware of all the lies she was telling over the continental breakfast, at the hotel, the morning of the funeral. There she was, stuffing her face with biscuits and gravy, slandering me and her own son, who lay in a casket for her final viewing pleasure. When most mothers would be grieving beyond ability to speak, she was running around telling people that Brian was a prostitute and I was his pimp, and that I raped him. Not a word of any of that is true at all. I have never harmed a child in my life and neither did Brian. I have never pimped anybody out in my life, and Brian was completely heterosexual, as his loving wife can testify. So no! I can't forgive Starliene for any of these things. But don't allow yourself to feel sorry for me. I'm not carrying her hate around with me. I have an incredible life. The love my husband and kids give me makes up for all the love I never really had in my biological family. After hearing about the lies she told then, and continues to spread now, I can only laugh at my sister Star now. She's an absolute joke. I've heard that she's still taking up donations to pay for Brian's funeral. His funeral was paid for before he died. He had a life insurance policy. Anyone who gives her a cent is a fool. As for me, well I don't entertain thoughts of her often, but when I do, I don't get all worked up or angry. Like Glenda, the good witch said to the wicked witch of the West. "You have no power here! Be gone before somebody drops a house on you too!" Nobody ever suggested that Glenda had no right to put that witch in her place. 

And so, as I promised my friends on facebook, here's the recording of my sister Star, calling me, at home, saying horrific things about me and my nephew, days after his death. Tell me, is this the voice of a grieving mother? Does this sound like someone who just lost her only son, or an evil bitch who made her only son's life miserable? I think her own words speak volumes about the kind of person she is. She was recently investigated for child abuse after putting her 17 year old granddaughters head through a wall. The woman is a nut! She's also stupid enough to knowingly leave a recorded voice message that she can't take back. I own this recording.